yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
