Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
