so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
