So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
