After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
