Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
