Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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