strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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