it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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