I'm jealous of your bromance
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
