Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
