She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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