Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
