yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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