i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
