i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
