I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
