The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
