she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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