The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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