how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
