When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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