What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
