Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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