just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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