Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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