so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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