i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
