I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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