If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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