During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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