woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
