I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just pee around me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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