Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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