Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
