We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
this is an emotional support booty call
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
