I cockslap morals
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
