I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
