What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
