what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
