Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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