i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
