Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
