If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
