just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
