im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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