I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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