I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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