This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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