I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
