Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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