We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
