I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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